Thursday, April 28, 2011

pagi subuh.


hujan lebat malam tadi.
menggila, dengan suara kilat gerun.
sedar-sedar, blok aku blackout.
panas mula dirasa.
nyamuk-nyamuk mula mengejar hidangan badan.

dalam samar aku lihat suasana gelap gelita.
tetapi sekelilingku bergerak.
entah.
aku selubung selimut, dan tidur semula.


sedar-sedar semula,
sayup-sayup aku dengar laungan azan.
lembut.
6 a.m
sayup... syahdu.
aku terasa mahu menangis.
besarnya kamu Allah...
hinanya aku.
hina.
aku hambaMu yang jijik.
tapi,
masih Kau lembutkan hatiku.
Kau masih beri kasih sayangMu pada aku..
Kau benar-benar ar-Rahim...

Ya Rahim... aku tidak mahu lari dari dakapanMu.
bimbinglah aku ya Allah...
perluaskan jalan cahayaMu pada 'kami' Tuhanku...


aku hambaMu yang jijik.






pagi subuh.
sejuk mencengkam
badan meringkuk di penjara katil
konon tidur itu raja.
heh,
waktu azan dilaung.
terus terkaku
batin tercelik
tidur itu nikmat
tidur bukan raja

hati kuat meronta
mohon cepat.
mohon cepat...
dia bilang.
"Tuhan aku sedang tunggu aku"

sentap.
menangis mata hati.
maka digegaskan diri menyuci
digegaskan diri menghampar sejadah
hati diam
tidak meronta lagi
malah tersenyum.
dia bilang
"aku hidup, bila dekat dengan Tuhan aku"
Allahuakbar.
lalu badan bersujud.
lama.
rasa dekat.


Friday, April 22, 2011

mimpi serta impian

aku tahu, tiap orang pasti punya impian.
pasti.

tapi, tiap kamu perlu ingat, tiap impian tak seindah yang disangka.
sebab itu mimpi yang kamu sendiri rancang dan bayang rapi.

hidup tak macam tu.
kamu mungkin dapat impian kamu,
tapi kamu tak semestinya puas hati.

sebab kalau kamu dapat semua yang kamu mahu,
hidup kamu dijamin bosan.
Tuhan kita lebih tahu.
dia akan selalu beri kita yang terbaik.


jadi,
silakan bermimpi dan memasang impian.
cuma, jangan lupa.
sematkan sifat redha dan syukur.

Redang

Kalau ada orang tanya aku, pulau apa yang paling kamu mahu pergi?
aku akan jawab Redang.

kenapa  Redang?
entah. sebab itu Redang. :)


aku sekarang sangat mendambakan pantai.
tolonglah. aku mahu cuti dan baring di atas pasir pantai.
aku mahu melihat matahari dan dibelai angin laut...
aku mahu.......
hmm.
terlalu banyak mahu.


kalau boleh isi masa bersama yang terdekat di sana,
aku lagi mahu.
huhu.

aku rindu perasaan indah di tepi pantai.
haih.
rindu.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

what are words.. *touched*

months ago, I watched his audition video.
damn. I couldn't help but cried.
it touched my heart.
he has a strong heart.
he moves mine, and I'm sure the others too.







this morning, my cousin posted his music video.
damn. I cried again.
this song is for his fiancee.
how I can feel him.
how I can.....
I get through the lyrics.
man. I cried some more.


you really touch my heart Chris. 
I hope your angel will heal.




here, listen. What Are Words - Chris Medina

video






can you feel his love to his fiancee?
I do.
true love, I said.
cause he willing to get through thick and thin with his fiancee.



touched.

Friday, April 8, 2011

hei dude.

saya tak mahu menyusahkan,
saya benci begini,
seperti menuntut perhatian

yang bezanya saya seperti tidak dipedulikan.

maaf,

tapi..

saya betul-betul sunyi sekarang



apa saya patut buat hah? :(

hakikat




dia bayangkan,
disepak, ditampar, dituduh, diludah.
ptuih!
baru dia sedar

dia tidak begitu kuat lagi
sangat perlu tulang belakangnya
perlahan-lahan dia jerit "to..longg.."


ptuih!
diludah lagi
panggg! 
ditampar.
"sudah aku bilang, kau harus kuat sendiri! walau kau bukannya bersumpah tapi aku semat tekad kau dahulu!"


"to..longggg..." lemah dia berbunyi
"diam kau! sudah aku bilang, berdiri di kaki sendiri! kenapa mengharapkan bersandar pada angin? tidak tentu ada! malu!!"

"aku tahu... tapi.. aku baru sedar... ini hakikat.. kau tetap perlu bersandar pada dia... kau bukannya tahan sentiasa..to...longgggg..' dia menjawab.

pangggg!!
"kenapa kau longlai! aku benci! kau bersandar tapi bila tiba saat dia hilang kau akan jatuh terlentang! itulah angin!!!tengok kau sekarang! bila kau sudah bangun, gagah kembali, barulah angin muncul lagi. tegar kau untuk terlentang lagi? itu bodoh namanya!"


"ini bu..kan bodoh.. sekuat ma..na.. pun kau.. kau tetap.. perlu sandaran.. kau sebenarnya mahu... juga kan.. ini.. ha..ki...kat....." tangis dia.

"kau fikir aku mahu mengaku aku mahu? kau fikir aku mahu rasa itu?"

"kau.. tutup diri... dengan benteng... sebab kau... tak dapat tahan... sakit rasa itu..kan...bukankah itu...takut...."

pangg!!!
"diam kau!!!!"

lalu dia yang longlai itu tersenyum tawar....
"sekurang-kurangnya.... aku tahu hakikat......"




-  -   -     -        -          -
kamu tahu, susah benar bila kamu berlawan dengan diri sendiri.
halangan kamu yang paling besar.
tahniah, bila kamu mampu.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Karangan waktu tahun akhir sekolah menengah


sekeping kertas yang ditangkap oleh mataku.
aku capai dan aku baca.
heh.. kenangannya.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      
  There was a rumble of thunder in the distance, followed by a strong gust of wind that send dried leaves flying like a scene out of a horror movie. A short while later, raindrops started falling, the droplets getting bigger as the ferocity of the wind picked up, sending the trees swaying back and forth. That time it was dark outside. Everybody was hurrying, looking for a shelter, except for Luna. She was still at the shore, did not care what was happening around her. Staring at the sea, waiting.
        Suddenly, "Luna! Let's go home! It's raining! You have to go back home!" shouted her mother, Hope. Luna was pretending not to hear her voice. She was still staring at the sea even though the sea was black. Hope reached Luna, then stand in front of her, looking deep into her eyes. She saw sadness in Luna's eyes.
"Luna, listen to me. Let's go home. It's not safe out here and you will catch yourself a fever if you let yourself dripping wet and cold like this. Let's go home and take a hot water. This will make you feel so much better" Hope said, softly. "No. Everything I do will not give me a better feeling! I will wait for him here! I know he will come back! I know he will and I want to be the first person he sees when he reaches this shore!" Luna replied.
       "Luna! Don't you get it! Your brother is gone! Willy is gone! Don't waste your time here Luna... He will not come back..." Hope said, trying to make her faced the reality. Tears were coming from Luna's eyes. She shook her head many times in refusal and said, "no mom...no..." and soon after that, her vision became black.......
      Luna used to have a twin brother named Willy. They were very caring to each other. Luna was always be there for Willy and Willy was always be there for Luna. They were so close and always together all the time. Until one day.... Willy's friends, whose all of them were boys, asked him to join them to go fishing at a small, isolated island. Luna wanted to join them but the boys refused because Luna was a girl. "Girls always cause trouble" they said. Luna watched they gone with a wistful feeling in her heart. Day after that, she waited at the shore but she did not see Willy. She waited for Willy again for the next day but still, Willy was not there. Soon, she continued waiting for Willy to come back at the shore but it was only disappoinment she got in her heart.  
   Luna cried every night. She slept in Willy's bedroom, wearing Willy's favourite shirt and looked at their pictures together most of the time. People and rescue team have been searching and concluded that the boys were sank under the sea. But Luna did not believe that. She waited for Willy everyday at the shore, even in a bad weather hoping her twin brother would be come back. She missed Willy everyday and always stared to the sea. Luna's behaviour worried Hope but she could not do anything......
     One good day at the shore, while Luna was waiting for Willy suddenly she felt so sleepy. She then lent on a coconut tree. But soon after that, she heard someone was calling her name. A very familiar voice. she turned her head to the voice and there, she saw Willy the person that she has been waiting for all this time was running to her. Her face then glowed with cheers. She stood up and then ran to get Willy. "Willy!" Luna cried. 
"Yes Luna I'm here..." answered Willy. "Willy where have you been? I have been waiting for you for so long.. I miss you so much Willy.. Mom also..people said you guys were sank under the sea, but I don't believe that. And today it proves that everything they said is wrong..." after saying that Luna cried and hugged Willy.
     "Luna, what they said is true.. We were sank under the sea.. We were in the different world now my dear sister.. I cannot stand it when you waiting for me everyday here.. don't wait for me again Luna.. I will not come back.. I want you to know, that I love both you and mom so much.. be happy like you used to be Luna.. go on with your life.. don't wait for me.. good bye Luna.." Willy smiled and disappeared.
     Luna then woke up. She remembered what she dreamed just now. She realized something that day. Slowly, she headed home....

--------------------------------------------------------------------



kelmarin aku kemas kertas-kertas lama.
dan terjumpa yang ini. memori.
sebab tiap kali aku baca aku selalu teringat tentang apa yang ada di fikiran aku waktu itu.

pantai yang dipukul ribut.
hujan yang lebat.
angin basah yang menampar wajah.
dan... perasaan sayu.

mungkin kalian tidak dapat bayangkan.
tetapi aku, suka sekali bayangan itu.
andai aku duduk di atas batu besar di pantai sebegitu.....
bagusnya.


aku tulis di sini, supaya jika hilang kertas tadi, aku masih boleh gali isinya di sini.
harap-harap, walaupun sudah bertahun,
ia  masih memberi bayangan yang sama seperti aku tingkatan 5 dahulu.

















Sunday, April 3, 2011

:'(

bila fikir balik tentang diri aku.

aku mula terpinga. aku ini orangnya bagaimana ya.
macam selalu menyakitkan orang sahaja.

bila fikir balik tentang diri aku.
betulkah hati aku kuat.
kenapa dijentik sedikit sudah runtuh.
bila fikir balik, mungkin aku ini sensitif sebenarnya.
tapi tidak suka melayan hati.
balut kemas-kemas biar  kebal di mata orang.
hakikatnya, bila pendam lama-lama, aku sendiri yang terjatuh.

aku benci rasa sunyi.

buntu lagi.
fikir balik tentang diri aku.
aku ini orangnya bagaimana ya.

rasa kopi

aku ibaratkan hidup macam rasa kopi.
pahit.

perlu manis gula baru sempurna rasanya.

tetapi,

kalau rasa pahit tu tiada, bukan kopi namanya.
sama macam hidup.







heh, aku suka minum kopi,
yang lebih kopi, kurang gula.
satu jag aku akan habiskan seorang.
suka.